If You’re Working Too Hard, You’re Doing It Wrong!

Today’s post in the Desiderata Project was written by Jean of Cheerful Monk.

If you’re working too hard, you’re doing it wrong!
Swimming is a lazy sport.
—A great teacher of swimming…and of life

I can’t remember her name, but I will never forget her. It was my
second quarter of swimming at Stanford University. At that time we
all had to take two quarters of Physical Education, and the first
quarter almost turned me against swimming for life. The teacher was
looking for perfection and was critical of everything we did. But I
had always loved being in the water, thrashing around and calling it
swimming. I could be turning blue with cold when I was a kid and
would steadfastly deny it. I didn’t get much chance to swim and I was
going to make the most of it.

So I signed up for another quarter and hoped for the best. And I got
it. This teacher’s aim was to teach us to trust the water. She
taught us to float…not in the usual way, lying on our backs…but by
walking across the deep end of the pool, our heads safely out of the
water. She showed us that if we made gentle arm and leg motions, we
could easily reach the other side of the pool. The water, indeed, did
hold us up. I can’t remember what we did the rest of the quarter…I
do know it was fun and there was no worry about doing the crawl
correctly. We could swim anyway that worked for us. The main thing
was to enjoy the process. Since then I’ve swum thousands of miles,
using my own unique stroke…with my head out of the water and my
glasses on.

I’ve been thinking of that a lot the past few weeks. Some
self-development blogs have been discussing what a struggle it is to
change ourselves. My instinctive reaction is, “If you’re working too
hard, you’re doing it wrong!” The first rule of behavior modification
is to love and accept yourself the way you are. That doesn’t mean
there aren’t things you’d like to change, but if you’re fighting
yourself it’s just like swimming. Fighting the water is
counterproductive. You’re wasting your energy. Stop thrashing
around. Be gentle.

I believe that’s what Max Erhmann was saying when he wrote, “You are a
child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a
right to be here.” And like all creatures, you’re always changing.
Don’t criticize the bud because it’s still unfolding and not yet a
flower. Give yourself room to grow. It’s all right to guide your own
growth, but do it with love and respect. For me, at least, it’s a
sacred process.