On Being Alone

MyTurn: Reading At Home in the Universe over at cheerfulmonk.com reminded me that there are times when I feel alone in a crowd. Jean asks the question:

Have you ever felt you looked at things differently from other people…that a part of you was alone in the universe?

For the vast majority of my life, I have had an abundance of friends. In high school, college, and graduate school I was always able to fill my spare time with a colorful cast of characters who would always provide endless amusement. When we moved here and I began my career, though, I found that I wasn’t replenishing my roster of friends. There was no one at work who I really “clicked” with. We made lots of great acquaintances through church, but never got to that “next level” with anyone. There’s nobody that I call up to hang out with.

Of course I have my wife, who is also conveniently my best friend. I don’t want to gloss over that fact. I am content with the beautiful love and friendship that we share. I’m also lucky to still be in touch with so many of my good friends from other stages of my life. When we get together, it’s like no time has passed.

But as far as good friends who live here close by, I don’t really have any. I’m just different enough that I haven’t made a “love connection.” I don’t play sports, I don’t watch sports, I don’t hunt, and I’m not mechanical. That takes away most of the conversation starters with guys. It puts me at a bit of a disadvantage.

So there are definitely times when I feel “alone in the universe.”  I remember a couple of years ago when we had our big “back to school breakfast” in our school district.  Every employee of our district was in one big cafeteria, and the buzz of conversation was incredibly loud as people excitedly paired up to share their summer experiences.  I did feel pretty sorry for myself as I stood with a cup of orange juice in my hand looking around and realizing that I didn’t seem as connected as most of my coworkers.

But again,  I can’t complain.  I do have a lot of friends.  There are people who take good care of us.  People brought us meals for almost a week when my wife had her surgery.  We know who to call in emergencies and know that we will be helped.  I think I just have to accept that I’m at a different stage in life, and friendship is not measured by who’s coming over to your house to watch movies and play video games until the wee hours.  But every once in a while, I do feel a creeping sense of loneliness.  What that happens, I just plan a date with my wife for some quality time with my best friend.

YourTurn:  Are there times when you feel “alone in the universe?”

What is MyTurn/YourTurn? 

Photo from NASA

Knowing God

 Today, I get to make my own contribution to the Desiderata Project.  I got to reserve my favorite section for myself.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.

I’m a Baptist married to a Catholic. I’m cool with both methods of worship.  Automatically, that puts me in a bit of a different category than most people of faith.  So many people that I’ve encountered believe that there is only one way to know God. Only one version of God… and they are the only one who can truly tell you about Him.  They are the only one who knows the special trick you have to do in order to have access to God.  Listen to me, they say, and I will introduce you to God.

My image of God is influenced by the fact that I spent my formative years in a Baptist church.  My parents and grandparents were sort of “charter members” of a church that formed in my hometown, and I spent a lot of time there.  The soundtrack of my preschool years is made up of traditional hymns and Southern Gospel music.  Blessed Assurance, Just As I Am, Oh How I Love Jesus? So how I “conceive Him to be” is in the image of Jesus, knocking at the door to my heart.

I’m an Evangelical Christian, though I shudder at the connotations that label has in our country today. I want people to know God, and I am active through my church in trying to introduce people to God through the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I want people to know that God that I know… the one who loves me enough to forgive me for all of the stupid stuff that I do and wants to help me be more like Him.

“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” (John 3:17) The God that I know is more interested in saving people than condemning them.  But again, I seem to be a little bit different than other folks in my particular faith tradition.  A lot of those people spend more time putting little “Marriage = Man + Woman” bumper stickers on their car and the like.  That’s not for me.  My faith tends to focus on what I can do to be a better person and to make life better for other people.  I don’t spend a lot of time trying to condemn other people in God’s name. I just don’t think that’s my job.

It’s amazing that we can all have such a different impression of God. I won’t even get into different religions today, beyond just to say that I am happy when people connect to God in any way that works for them.  If a person connects with God as a Muslim, Buddhist, or Wiccan… I am cool with that.  I just want everyone to encounter God, to touch Him, to be close to Him, no matter what path they choose to take.

I believe that God is big enough to be experienced in a variety of ways.  I think maybe that’s why we all see Him so differently.  Maybe we’re all just discovering different aspects of Him that He’s choosing to reveal to us.  It sort of reminds me of the story of The Blind Men and the Elephant.  We only know God through what we’ve actually felt in our lives.

If it’s been a while since you’ve felt God’s presence in your life, I hope you’ll take some time to look for Him. Then maybe you can tell me and others how you “conceive Him to be.” That way, we can all come to know Him more fully.

Image from The Visual Church Blog