On Being Alone
MyTurn: Reading At Home in the Universe over at cheerfulmonk.com reminded me that there are times when I feel alone in a crowd. Jean asks the question:
Have you ever felt you looked at things differently from other people…that a part of you was alone in the universe?
For the vast majority of my life, I have had an abundance of friends. In high school, college, and graduate school I was always able to fill my spare time with a colorful cast of characters who would always provide endless amusement. When we moved here and I began my career, though, I found that I wasn’t replenishing my roster of friends. There was no one at work who I really “clicked” with. We made lots of great acquaintances through church, but never got to that “next level” with anyone. There’s nobody that I call up to hang out with.
Of course I have my wife, who is also conveniently my best friend. I don’t want to gloss over that fact. I am content with the beautiful love and friendship that we share. I’m also lucky to still be in touch with so many of my good friends from other stages of my life. When we get together, it’s like no time has passed.
But as far as good friends who live here close by, I don’t really have any. I’m just different enough that I haven’t made a “love connection.” I don’t play sports, I don’t watch sports, I don’t hunt, and I’m not mechanical. That takes away most of the conversation starters with guys. It puts me at a bit of a disadvantage.
So there are definitely times when I feel “alone in the universe.” I remember a couple of years ago when we had our big “back to school breakfast” in our school district. Every employee of our district was in one big cafeteria, and the buzz of conversation was incredibly loud as people excitedly paired up to share their summer experiences. I did feel pretty sorry for myself as I stood with a cup of orange juice in my hand looking around and realizing that I didn’t seem as connected as most of my coworkers.
But again, I can’t complain. I do have a lot of friends. There are people who take good care of us. People brought us meals for almost a week when my wife had her surgery. We know who to call in emergencies and know that we will be helped. I think I just have to accept that I’m at a different stage in life, and friendship is not measured by who’s coming over to your house to watch movies and play video games until the wee hours. But every once in a while, I do feel a creeping sense of loneliness. What that happens, I just plan a date with my wife for some quality time with my best friend.
YourTurn: Are there times when you feel “alone in the universe?”
Photo from NASA
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About This Blog
In Thornton Wilder’s play Our Town, the central character dies an early death. Emily is given the chance to revisit a day of her life and is advised by those in the afterlife to pick an ordinary day, warning her that she might be overcome otherwise. Still, Emily is overwhelmed with emotion as she recognizes how wonderful the everyday details of her existence were. Her daily routine takes on new significance now that it is gone. Through her tears, she asks:
Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it– every, every minute?
With this blog, I am trying to fully “realize” my life by documenting the things that I love. I want to appreciate and examine my past and present, as well as plan actively for the future.
I hope to accentuate the positive in my life and in the world around me, with the hope that by focusing on the positive, I will draw more positive elements into my life. Or, at least, realize all of the blessings that I do have.
Bob, the author of this blog, is a 33 year old husband, father, son, teacher, Christian, and liberal.
Thanks!
Bob, I have a few of the same problems. I have lots of friends to say hello to, or maybe tell a sob story to here and there, but you’re a step ahead of me. I can’t say I’d know who to call in an emergency. When I lived in Florida and now in West Virginia, I don’t even have someone I could ask to watch my two dogs so I can go on vacation, I always have to take them with me.
Sometimes it makes me sad to not have people to count on. But as I surf the Internet and see site after site of sarcastic jokes, callous remarks, and outright hate, I feel glad to know that at least I don’t have any real enemies. You look for happiness and hope wherever you can find it. And like you, my best friend is my husband, so I’m never really alone.
Only when I ‘over think’…which is pretty much all the time.
Wow! Your first main paragraph could have been taken right from my life. It’s nice to know that others experience the same things that I do. It certainly makes loneliness less prevalent.
I moved to the Green Bay, Wisconsin area a few years ago. You may be familiar with the football loving, “cheese-head” stereotypes associated with the area. People don’t usually walk around wearing green and gold paint on their skin or cheese on their heads (well, not Tuesday through Saturday anyhow), but when I tell people I am not a football fan, I often see blank, confused stares for a while. Though it’s nothing that can’t be cured by a deep, meaningful conversation about the latest weather patterns.
The good news is, I have strengthened my connection to my family since I have lived here. Now, a fun Saturday night means playing with toys and watching Finding Neemo with my son and his cousins instead of watching Monty Python until 2AM with my buddies.
Interestingly, I feel much less lonely today than I did when I had a lot more friends.
I’m at that point right now. I’m choosing to move forward with life and in doing so, there can be trying times when friends fade away.
I know I’m resisting some aspects of it because there is one particular person who has remained the same in her thinking while I move on. This person is a good friend and I don’t want to lose her. However, now that I am relying on myself rather than others, I find that I’m willing to lose her even if it’s painful.
To answer the question though, yes there are times when I feel lonely. When I go through “transitions” in life, I focus on more exterior things to affect my life when I know I should be focusing more on myself.
Oh yes I do! And the most people there is around me, the most alone I feel, a reason why I normally choose to stay home…
I still feel alone in the universe. I guess the reason why many of us feel like that, is that how good ever some people may understand us, and how close they may be to us, they will never be really inside of us, they will never know EXACTLY what we feel, what we think, etc… there is always a wall between us and the others -let us call metaphorically it “our skin ” - and this is a law of nature. We are in fact totally alone inside ourselves, inside our skin…. and we are the only thing we really have, we are our unique certainty, we don´t even know for sure that everything outside really exists or is a product of our mind… so in fact we are self our unique certain universe, and we are alone there, totally!! But I believe that only the most sensitive and the most instropective people realise that… which is good!!!
Of course love and family help… I have both, a wonderful love realtionship, and a wonderful family with deep interaction.
But in the deepest of my brain(soul…
If you want to have a look at:
my blog: A Painter´s Pointer
my diary: A Painter´s Life on Planet Goodaboom
I posted mine on my blog. I know this is the question from a few weeks ago, but I’m basically just searching for ideas for days when I’m not writing myself. Don’t kick my butt if I answer these out of order or anything
Merry Christmas to you and your wonderful family!